yOu mEaN tHe wOrLd tO mE!!!

I was so little I remember, eating around in the sands...

I was a kid so restless, But you held me safely in your hands...

Jumping in your arms, I scratched your face, Oh I was so wild...

You kissed me gently, moved your hands on my face, and I turned mild...

But I wanna tell you something now...

Before it's too late and before I loose your magic touch...

OH Dear Pa!! You mean the world to me and I love you so much........

I was so stubborn I remember, when you sat alongside to feed me...

I vomited everything and ran, no matter how good you cooked for me...

You ran after me with glass filled with milk, Oh you really cared for me...

I never listened to you, I was always what I was never supposed to be...

But I wanna tell you something now...

Before it's too late and before I loose your magic touch...

OH Dear Ma!! You mean the world to me and I love you so much........

I grew up like some distracted lad, one of those careless freak kinds...

I made many mistakes on my way, I hid, I lied and blundered few times...

Still you always corrected me, You believed, much better, I could be...

Though u lost many things in your life, But you never lost ur faith in me...

So I wanna tell you something now...

Before it's too late and before I loose your magic touch...

OH Dear Gods!! You mean the world to me and I love you so much........

I always complained, no matter how much for me you sacrificed...

I always thought u were no good, for evrythng I felt I could alone decide...

I got carried away with the mirage around and every time I lost the fight...

But now I realize I was wrong all the way, and you were always so right...

So I wanna tell you something now...

Before it's too late and before I loose your magic touch...

OH Dear Gods!! You mean the world to me and I love you so much........

nOtHiNg eLsE mAtTeRs!!!

I know you are angry, for reasons, I don't wanna remember....

I know I have been bad and bad enough to make you cry....

Believe me my luv, it wasn't the way, Never, I meant this....

Look at me, I wanna remove your tears away and make you smile....

OH Baby!!

I wanna make this moment a dream, a dream that never shatters....

So just feel the luv n just luv, cuz nothing else matters................

I owe you all, everything I have, for giving me this beautiful smile....

Can't tell you how much, you and your luv means to me....

Can't tell you how fortunate I am, to have you in my Life back again....

Come my luv, give me a hug, and let our hearts sing in this rain....

OH Baby!!

I wanna make this moment a dream, a dream that never shatters....

So just feel the luv n just luv, cuz nothing else matters................

Is it the magic of your hug, that I feel so relaxed?....

Don't you try and go away now, for I wanna hold your hands forever....

You look so beautiful, I just don't wanna keep my eyes off you....

Somewhere I wanna get lost, where I am, I want no clue....

OH Baby!!

I wanna make this moment a dream, a dream that never shatters....

So just feel the luv n just luv, cuz nothing else matters................

Lemme catch you, and take you to a place so lonely....

Lemme see you, touch you, I wanna hear you sigh....

Lemme come closer, hold you tight, I wanna feel your warmth....

Let us allow nothing, not even the air, to pass through us....

OH Baby!!

I wanna make this moment a dream, a dream that never shatters....

So just feel the luv n just luv, cuz nothing else matters................

tHe wEiRd dReAm!!!

They say opportunity once lost does not come back. I agree to this to a very small extent. I could have easily disagreed to it completely, hadn't that anomalous incidence happened. Like any other normal day I had some Snacks in the evening then sufficient dinner and milk later in the night ( i dint booze those dayzz) to catch some nice sleep. I went to my room and hit the sack hard at around 10:30. I could have never imagined in my wildest of the nightmares as to what a bizarre dream i would get.
Playing cricket with my friends was always a great time pass. We all got together for the match against our juniors. For some reasons I could not bat well as I was not able to hit the ball as I normally did. Something was fishy out there. The bat seemed so heavy and everything was going in slow motion. Anyways the other mates played well and we won comprehensively. Later I went to my friends place (my first crush ;-)). Though the truth was I wanted to meet her and talk to her. But as always I could say nothing. It was always a wonderful feeling seeing her. I still remember that moment. I rang the bell and was feeling so uncomfortable standing outside her home, looking at what i was wearing, how was i looking n all that shit. She came out of her home. She was wearing this loose t-shirt and a skirt. Her glowing cute face was just ultra mesmerizing. Her pink white little lips looked as soft as rose petal and when she gently did that lil push to keep her hairs off her face, that was it, a perfect icing on the cake. Her face expressions were js so unavoidable, especially when she smiled. I hardly cared for what she spoke, as for me the ears would stop working whenever she was there. In fact the only thing that worked then, were my eyes. After some blah blah blah...(js to stay longer) i asked her sm books and as always I came back home empty handed js with the books to make the whole thing look unfishy. I tried studying (her books only even though I had the ones of better authors ;-)) for some time and later on succumbed to the temptation of kissing them and I did make sure no one was watching ;-). It was later in the evening when that scary and wonderful thing happened. I went outside started the scooter to get something to eat, I realized my stomach was already full. I felt I had eaten something already. My memory ran back……......
Snacks………….dinner………………milk…………………..sleep………..and…!!!????

What the Fuck!! I was just sleeping!! How come I am here outside on my scooter? I slept in my room. It scared the hell out of me when I finally realized that I was seeing myself doing all the stuff starting from cricket match, meeting my first crush, the book borrowing, studying etc. It was all in the dream. Then came the next question. What do I do now? How do I wake up? How do I go back now? I have to wake up some how". I was so scared and started thinking out on various options. Suddenly I thought if I can go back to the same room, sleep for some time and wake up, I might wake up from this dream. It was a doubtful idea but I tried and it worked. Finally I got up, saw myself alone in my room. It was 6 AM in the morning. I was sweating heavily and looked horrified. I went out and looked at my scooter. I was there, just few seconds before, in my dream. I looked at the sky and wondered whether it was lucky or unlucky to wake up. Lucky, because I was back finally in the real world and unlucky, because of what all I could have done in that dream which I didn’t do. I could have asked her for a drive. I could have probably asked for a kiss also without any fear since it was a dream. . I could have gone to my favorite teacher’s place and told her that I really liked her. I could have……..Ahhhh MAN!! The question is what i cud not have done??? Everything was left undone. No doubt the strange dream was over, but I was regretting the fact that it was gone. I thought why the smart part of my brain acted so stupid.
Even today that dream is as fresh as ever in my mind. Though with the changed times, I no longer regret the lOsT oPpOrTuNiTy as it actually gave me a reason to write smthng!!!

iS iT aLl taT bAd ???

People get wiser with age. Tats what I heard while I grew up and I believed this statement. In fact I was absolutely convinced about it. Though I am sure you would be more convinced if somebody tells you that NDTV Imagine and Rakhi sawant are planning for a sequel of “rakhi sawant ka swayamvar” (apologies to her first husband, Elaish par-jaane-wala or mar-jaane-wala or whatever ).

But lately I realized that getting wise with age is not the case with me and actually it’s just the opposite. I mean I sat one day and looked back the way I have been, I realized that I was more sincere and diligent, I used to study harder, I had lesser bad habits, I was more homely, I even abused lesser, I used to hurt lesser people, though never did it intentionally, I noticed lesser girls and that too only when they wore this flamboyant transparent dresses which actually caused my little eyes to become bigger n wider, I watched lesser porn ( I had my sources;-) ), I never boozed which I do occasionally now, never smoked (Don’t worry my well wishers n my frns, I js did it for ‘Tashan’, I wont become habitual, I swear!!), I was more sure of myself and there were hell lot of other things in which I think I was ‘better’.

Now if u are a normal person reading this and you have your brains intact then there’s a high probability that you would agree with me that most of us develop better habits with age and people do get wiser as they grow old. But I don’t clearly understand what’s wrong with me. My situation reminds me of the movie called The Curious Case of Benjamin Button starring Brad Pitt which was based on reverse ageing. Though my situation is little different from Brad Pitt (in fact it's veryyy different....sun rahi ho angelina!! sirf tumhari wajah se...) , who was born as an old man and died as a child in the movie, but it seems more serious to me because, SHIT MAN!! I don’t wanna die being called as an Unwise-Filthy-Reckless-Wasteful piece of shit.

The most disturbing out of all the wrong stuff that really drives me crazy is the “CONFUSION” aspect of my life that has got attached to me like a key is to lock . In fact of all the past relationships I had, the one which has survived successfully against all the odds, is the relationship between me and my confusion. We two are Hell of a companions. We never have to try and make our relationship work. It just works for us. Sounds funny, right??? It actually would not have if u were in my place n I was in urs, and I wud have been laughing at u, making those I-AM-BETTER-THAN-YOU-CONFUSED-LOSER gestures at you n destroying all the deep hidden traces of ego and self respect in ur dumb head (now u laugh!!!).

I was saying it’s not funny at all. I’ll try to explain.

Have u ever been in a situation when you have your final exam of some course the next day ( not when u were in ur 6^th, 8^th or even 12^th grade but when u r pursuing a fucking MS degree) and u have studied nothing and the previous night you feel kinda confused whether u should open the book or js go to sleep….??????

Or like someday you are having a booze party and you and your friends are all excited about drinking the romanov’s , the royal stags, the jack daniels etc. and after taking 5-6 shots u feel kinda confused about whether u shud call ur best friend or one f ur old gal friend….??????

Or if that does not go into ur dumb head , have you ever been in a situation when after watching a nice romantic movie with hot n steamy scenes in between and a sad ending, and there u go, the uncertainty entrapping you again n you feel kinda confused about whether you should go n jack off, thinking of the various mysterious curves of the woman in the movie or u should just appreciate the sad ending….?????

I mean this mental state of mine really pisses me off some times but at times I kinda like it though when I see people around me who are so sure of themselves in whatever they are doing but still not satisfied with anything in their lives. It is then when I actually luv to feel that there’s nothing wrong in being little wrong sometimes. Anyways who cares. I mean I can’t afford to care otherwise ill have another thing to keep me confused. So before I confuse u guys more, lemme put a ‘sure’ shot full stop to this weird post so that I can have my dinner and later watch a Tom hanks movie…………or may be I wud watch some Jim carrey’s?? Hmmm....I’ll go figure out…………………

tHe rEaL hErO!!!

nO rEaSoNs!!!

I never asked from you ....your precious time and personal space .....

I never asked from you ....your kind attention and expensive gifts .....

I never asked from you .... to be there for me in all the seasons.....

All I asked from you ....was to "lUv" me alwayz for no reasons.....

I never wanted you .... to take my words so wrong....

I never wanted you .... to misunderstand my honest feelings....

I never wanted you .... to feel the unnecessary burden of my expectations....

All I wanted from you .... was to "lUv" me alwayz for no reasons.....

I never felt .... that i wud blame anyone for my pains.....

I never felt .... that some one wud break my trust so easily.....

I never felt .... that life wud be so complicated in my visions.....

All I felt .... that there was someone who wud "lUv" me alwayz for no reasons.....

I never expected .... that my luv will alwayz be far away from me....

I never expected .... the number of changes i would go thru with time....

But inspite of all those changes .... I still have the same old feelings....

and even today all I expect from some one .... is to "lUv" me alwayz for no reasons....

mY FiRsT eVeR sKeTcH!!!

Can't make out what it is?? Scroll down the side bar to have a look at what exactly it is.........

rAnDom tHougHtS !!!

----After stepping inside the classroom, I loose it all...the brains..the motivation...the knowledge...the confidence n evrythng else i can think of. After all the embarrassment as i step out of the classroom and start for home i begin regaining all of what i had lost and till i reach home after twenty odd minutes after walking past the Burnet Woods..the beautiful lake etc. , i have it all back with me once again...every bit of it. The gud part is that it keeps me ticking for the rest of my day and the night. The sad part is that when the next morning i go n step inside the classroom, the process starts all over again....it is then i realise......LiFe iS nOt sO easY!!!!

-----Every individual can visualise some sort of vague...incomplete..or a part of the picture of his life; the life he has lived/living/will be living.....This imaginary picture is quite unidentifiable. We all keep trying to figure out how it exacly looks like and feel frustrated at times for not being able to see the whole of it. I believe for every such part of a picture, there exist the other complementary part of it which is in absolute conformance with it without any discontinuities. Sometimes we think we have it in front of us and try to go for it to match with our own incomplete picture but soon we realise the mirage of it. When any individual who is lucky enough sees the real and true complementary part of the picture, it is then he holds the two n as he joins dem together, a string in his heart is pulled...he closes his eyes and instead of js thinking, starts feeling the winds around...the rains...the silence...and the freshness n the fragrance of the whole nature and then instead of mouth, his heart speaks out.....
yEs tHiS is tHe piCtUrE!!!! tHiS is mY lIfE................

sOmE oNe wRoTe iT !!!

The following story is written by some one other than me (for a change ;-) )...I js happened to read this story sm 4-5 years back, the story i cud relate myself to...Had nthn else to write...so sharing ths wonderful story with u all....

He was a much older man and married. But this did'nt stand in the way of his love 4 me. I was by far the most important person in his life. or so i loved to think. He always had time 4 me. I was his special gal , his gem. Not once in all the years i knew him did he ever say he was too busy 4 me. He was always there and 4 years he was the most important person in my life. Even now i can see him sitting on his favorite stool on the verandah of his house. He sat there waitin 4 me to come to him and i always went, knowin he would be there, waitin. Knowin that all other things and ppl would fade as i sat on th floor besides him, ready to drink in his words, his stories, and his dreams____which were mostly his dreams of wat he wished 4 me. Now as i look back i don know wen i first became aware of him but i certainly know how th relationship started____ he told me abt. it several times. It was one of those love _at _first _sight stuff, though i doubt that i really noticed him that first time. But later i did notice him: I had to as events outside our control threw us together in such a way that there was no way i could have ignored him. not that wanted to. He loomed large in my life and everythin and every1 else , faded in the background. I may not recall how it really started , but i do remember the many hours we spent together on many a moonlit night. th stories he told and th things he said during those nights have been my rock these past years. but recently too i have begun to notice just how much im actin like him.

The other day i was fryin chicken to use 4 stew. Durin the preparation bits and pieces of th meat kept endin up in my mouth. later , after i had finished cookin and cleaned up , i wondered wy i was feelin full' even though i have not eaten all day'. a voice____it must have been th chicken___whispered in my ears,"yeah right, u have not eaten all day!" I burst out laughin as i recalled wat he used to do. Wen he had somethin to share___meat , 4 instance __ he would cut of a bit and put in his mouth before givin to whoever it was meant 4. He did that with each portion he gave out. later he would say , "Can u believe wat i jus did, i shared it all without anythin 4 myself!" his wife and i would look at each other and hide a smile. Oh yes his wife and i were on good terms , but thats another story. The memories of this man do not jus center around food, not that it would be totally out of place. mealtimes were our best tmes and it was not jus th food. my entire life___with its twists and turns, its joys and frustrations, warts and all___daily reminds me of him. Im th woman im coz he loved me, and moulded me in his own image. He spent most of th time we knew each other introductin me to th world he said would 1 day be mine. and today im wat im coz 1 man loved me, believed in me, and gave me a dream to pursue. with his words he opend up a new world 4 me___1 that was beyond my imagination. Education featured on his long list of dreams for me. It was somethin that was important to him. Once i asked wy th moon always seemed to be goin somewhere. " It does not really go anywhere, it only appears so." i sighed ." I wish it travels coz then i can travel with it wherever it is goin." " Listen to me , u dont need th moon to travel to th ends of th earth . If u want to go to th ends of th earth , u will go. Infact if u want to go to th moon itself, u will,get there. Jus study hard in school." "Really u mean i can go to th moon?"" Yes u can. ppl who r not intelligent as u r have gone to th moon." wow! Now that was somethin to dream about. I owe my life to this one man who truly and deeply loved me. in a way , he gave life to me and sustained it. He also gave me words that i have lived by these past years. This gr8 man went on to glory before i cud adequately thank him; before his dreams 4 me wud come to actualisation. But i hope that as he looks at me today from heaven , he is pleased with wat he sees. I have not yet gone to th moon ( and i doubt that its still my dream). I have not gone to ,"All th schools that there r to go" and become an expert , but im workin on it. my life is still a work_in _progress, and by god's grace , this man's dreams and prayers 4 my life will come true .

Thank u Dad !

tHe jOuRnEy aCtUalLy sTaRtS!!!

The day is 4th of September and its 8:45 AM and guess what!! I am sitting in British Airways Air bus. Ya even I can’t believe it has happened. The pilot just announced a delay coz of some problem. OH! The plane is speeding up …I’ll be back…

MAN!! This fucking big thing has taken off. Some take-off it was. Soon I’ll be some 10000 meters above the sea level. Bobby bhai and papa came to see me off for my first international flight. Dad gave me a tight hug as he did few times before. I was lil emotional but didn’t show anythn and never crossed the barrier. U’ll cum to know abt the kinda barrier im talking about later. After some usual formalities I checked in my luggage and went and sat at the waiting area. Looking at ppl , sm Indians , sm Spanish, sm british and some I cud nt make out. Weird species Human Beings are!!! I noticed them and wondered how tough it is for sm of them to leave their home places, their loved ones and go away. The situation was no different for me. There is very thin line between being strong and facing evrything and being weak and js letting the emotions control you. I found out that the only way to stay calm, happy and normal is to stop thinking about ur loved ones and forget them for the time being coz if u dont do that u have a very low chance to survive away. I realize that ppl who fall into prey of emotions will never be able to stay away from their loved ones and will never be able to make it and ppl who are practical enuf for that particular time, that particular moment; will be the ones that ll be able to stay happily and successfully.. I feel that ppl in the first category njy a soft corner most f the times from most f the ppl and the ones in the latter category are the ppl who end up hearing It- was-expected-from-you-to-forget-us types stuff. What I chose was to b in the second category. Coz I know if I had chosen the other way around I wud have been sitting at home doing nothing, hmmmm…. sleeping probably.

Such thoughts kept cuming to my mind at the airport and js before my flight I met two mates. We all checked in and finally boarded the plane.

More on the journey later….

It’s around 3-4 hours of flight and the touch screen TV in front of me tells me that we have crossed Afghanistan safely. Thank God Mr. Osama dint see us ;-). Now im kinda getting bored. The girl on my left has finally slept after movin here n there and the guy on my right has not woken up yet since the take off. The fucking channels are not working properly and I guess without troubling the co-passengers I shud switch off the light. Oh the girl looks cute while sleeping. Well every gal looks the same while sleepin ( cuz tats the only time they are silent ;-) ). Oh shes waking up. I hope she dint see what I am writin.

More to cum….

It has been 5-6 hours now and m flyin over Russia near Moscow. Well that reminds me f some P* Russian movie….Hmmm can’t recall the name…who does?? ;-) ;-)

Will be back….

Its around 2’0 clock (London time) in the afternoon. The flight landed here at Heathrow airport at around 1:15. The cold zephyrs of London greeted me as soon as came out of the plane. I felt the freshness of the air when it touched my face. It was a wonderful feeling. Well I have checked in for my next flight and sitting smwhere among the big crowds. The airport is so big that it seems as if I am on a different planet altogether. I have to spend some 4-5 hrs here. It feels a lil odd with all britishers around you. Especially since im all alone so im like lil nervous., but koi chakkar ni….lets njy London….;-)

It has been around 2 more hrs now and I am still wandering here n there. Apart from tryn some awesome perfumes ranging from Gucci to Dolce n Gabana, im like stunned looking at the Indian beauties working here at the airport. I know what u all will think. Why the hell I am looking at Indian chicks in London instead of sm white beauties. But believe me guys the Indian chicks over here are hot like HELL!! MAN! Would you believe the girl cleaning wth a fuckn wiper in frnt f me is as hot as the hottest gal u wud hv seen in ur college days. Well I don’t gv a flying fuck to what u all thnk. All I am thinkn rite now is to go n ask the gal as to why is she doing all ths ;-( I guess im exaggerating my emotions (yet again)coz I hv nthn else to do. I m gettn headache and My legs are paining too much to walk and roam around…

More to cum...

Finally in British Airways again…ready to fly to Chicago….

From past one and haf hr I am flyn over Atlantic ocean. The rest f the journey is gonna be the same. The Still three more hrs before I reach Chicago. After watching the movie my headache has gone into higher gears now. Need to catch sm sleep….

Will be bak….

WOW!! Im in Chicago. Was lil nervous in the flight regarding the immigration and custom thng but all done now and im ready to board American Airways to Cincinnati -- My Final Destination. The plane is quite small. Actually it is smaller (in breadth) than our roadways buses in India. In few more minutes ill reach Cincinnati.

Will write bak after reachin…

Finally after 25 odd hrs of travelling, beating the speed of the earth, Im in Cincinnati on the same day I started. I am at Utkarsh’s frnd’s place. Its 2:30 A.M local time. I am lying on the bed, feeling gr8 abt the fact that I hv reached US finally. The passion is at the peak. I just wanna thank God for everything and thank everyone who has helped me in one way or the other to make this happen. Lets see how I start my journey in United States Of America..mY nEw hOmE !!!!!

mAiN nIkAl cHaLa !!!

The time left now can be counted on fingers. The little struggle for the past two years is over and finally I am ready to fly off. In the last six years or so I have made many friends n I have lost few too. I am a kinda person who will always have luv and respect for the later ones who smhow went their own ways n cud not handle me (or may be I could not handle them), but then lately I have developed this lil ego in me which stops me from crying over the past. I have stopped being May-be-its-my-fault types guy and have learnt to blame others if they really are at fault. I have got no grudges against anyone and I thank dem all from the bottom of my heart for the gud times they have shared with me and wish all of dem the very best in evrythng they do.

Now cuming to what I actually wanted to write. In the last many years I have seen tough times to the extremes and I have tasted some success too. But now I just wanna cum out of this shell and live the way I want to, without attaching myself to these irrelevant things like “Failure” and “Success”. I wanna feel free of everything that confines me within itself. It has been some time now since I have not been able to identify whether its my brains that decides for me or its my heart. I am actually happy about it and I just wanna go with this flow cuz that is what has actually worked for me.

There is this passion inside me now and i can hear the voice withn telling me to move on. I know the journey ahead is not gonna be easy but I am ready to push myself to the limits cuz I-ME-MYSELF have made this choice. Finally I feel my life has been mysteriously planned by someone other than me, accompanied by confused vision and spontaneous actions and to try and unravel this mystery…..main nikal chala……;-)

mY vIsA eXpErIeNcE!!!

It was 30th july, my Visa interview date. I was at my mamaji’s place . My interview time slot was 10:30 A.M. Considering the Delhi traffic, we left the home at 8. We reached the embassy at 9:15. MAN!! The area was really gud. Lot of greenery n beautiful embassy buildings. I saw few embassies like Myanmar, Italy, Switzerland etc. The US embassy was exactly opposite to swiss embassy. The funniest part was that all the ambassies were totally vacant and seemed out of business ;-) but there was heavy rush at the US embassy. Without any surprises one could see the whole Punjab out there. I wont be surprised if in few more years USA will be called USP. I saw some nice chicks there and mamaji started making a pass at me. Finally after joking around with mamaji and my cousin, I went inside. After initial security check up I was allowed to go inside where I got my ticket and counter number. I went further inside and entered a big hall. I saw some 100’s of people sitting on one side and interviewers on the other side of the hall inside the windows. I went through the finger scanning and then joined the bunch of people. The ticket numbers were being displayed on the counters and I was waiting for mine. My ticket number was P63 and I could see P48 and P49 already being interviewed. From where we were sitting the interviews could be heard. Some people were trying their ass off to convince the interviewers. Most of them were like – “I will come back…I will come back.” The whole scene was so funny at times. Some ladies were creating scenes while convincing the interviewers. They forgot that it's little different from convincing their pappu's and munu's for milk. Unluckily there were quite a few rejections out there that day. After some half an hour I saw my number being displayed on one window. Bloooodddy Hell !!! It was the same counter I was constantly looking at and had witnessed only rejections. I stood up and went there. The girl in front of me was ready to leave with a rejected visa. I had heard most of her interview and could not think of any damn reason why her visa was rejected. May be I was taken away by her beauty ;-). I came to the window and this is how my interview went:
Me: Good Morning Sir.
VO(Visa Officer): No response. I was like “ chalo ji. Ho gaya F**K. challiye ghar nu.” Just then he replied. "Show me your documents.”
Me: Yes Sir and passed my documents.
VO: Which universities have you applied to?
Me: I thought of telling him "tu vichon ki laina". But then Told him.
VO: Why are you going to University of Cincinnati?
Me: "meri marzi, main kahin bhi jaaon". just kidding, I told him the relevant reason.
VO: What kind of a scholarship is this UGS (it was mentioned in my I-20)
Me: Sir it’s University Grant Scholarship ( which you never got in your time ;-) )
VO: What is your sponsor doing?
Me: Blah Blah!!
VO: Ok, You will have your visa within a week.
Me: Thank you very much Sir. Have a gr8 day.
VO: No response
Me: Ran away ;--)

I wIlL mIsS yOu aLL!!!

Following post is a copy of my daily diary written on 3rd of july while i was on my way back to my home place.....This is something that means a lot to me......

The day has come... finally!!! The only thing i can say is that the heart has been feellng much heavier than anything else i can think of..The feeling is more or less same as it was, 6 years back..The time of the year was also more or less same..That day my dad left me in chandigarh for studies and went back home..and today i am, myself leaving this beautiful home of mine – Pune, and going back. The pain of leaving my loved ones here in pune is excuriating...Its tough..it really is…Wish I could go back in the past and plan something else…wish I could stay with my loved ones forever..DAMN!!! it’s not gonna happen..All I know right now is that there is a promise I have to keep…n I will keep it no matter what…I’ll see them once again some day…

I’ll remember some for the jokes we cracked…I’ll remember some for the laughs n tears we shared…I’ll remember some for the online gaming competition…I’ll remember some for the Gtalk n Facebook chatting…I’ll remember some for the cricket we played…I’ll remember some for those crazy drinks….I’ll remember some for the small fights…I’ll remember some for the invaluable gifts…I’ll remember some for the small walks…I’ll remember some for the dances…I’ll remember some for the warm hugs…n most importantly , I’ll remember all of them for their love n affection….May the Almighty bless them with whatever they need in their lives…

The way this train is catching up speed, I guess my life is not gonna be much different from here on..I’ll try my best to stay the way I am n even a better human being..In the end I would like to dedicate a small piece of writing to all of you who have made this small journey of mine a beautiful n memorable one…


"Though the times are going to change,But bet on me for once …I’ll always be there for you…
I don’t have any reasons to believe in you…I just do…
It’s not just you who wants me to stay back..it's me too…
I wish there is something I could do to change the things..But the options are few…
I don’t know what future has in store for me…I wish I knew…
I have a special place for you all in my heart…Though you may feel it’s nothing new…
There is quite some time when we’ll meet again…But I hope I’ll find the old you…
And yes the times are going to change But bet on me for once…
I’ll alwayzz be there for you….......I’ll alwayzz be there for you……......."

dReAm dAtE!!!

Waking up early in the morning and getting ready is not some thing which I always love to do, Specially when you are dreaming of beautiful girls and stuff, the option of waking up is just not there...One lucky night I had one of those dreams. Courtesy to that dream, my daily routine of getting up just got extended by 2 hours without my knowledge. I was feeling so fresh after getting up. But that feeling of freshness soon got converted into feeling of urgency when I looked at the clock. It was around 10.30. I realized I had already missed the morning meeting. I called up boss in fear and told him I had fever. Unexpectedly he told me to take care of myself and advised to stay back. Though it was a good option but I had to go to the office for some mails and all. I got ready in an hour and was locking the main door. It was then when my eyes caught something unbelievable. Two children, boy and a girl not more than 10, the girl standing with her back against the wall and the guy covering her. From where I was looking, I could see the guy’s back. I was wondering at 12 o' clock in the afternoon, with black clouds covering the sky and no one around, what on earth were they up to. Looking at their age I tried to perceive something normal . But soon I realized that seeing the dark black clouds trying to mingle with the sky, the guy must have been motivated. I had witnessed one of the craziest things one could ever imagine. MAN!! The show was on....They were soooo passionate.... Even the air could not have passed through them....The two little champions....I was like - Do they need to grow up?...HELL NO!! They are the born "grown ups"...As I finished locking the door the girl’s eyes caught me. I tried ignoring somehow but the damage was done. The guy ran away. The girl slowly moved in another direction as if nothing happened. Both must have been cursing me specially the boy. His dream date was over and I was the one to blame for. I never saw them thereafter and after witnessing their premature guts I do not deny the probability of both being running away from home since then . It was time for me to walk to my office. On the way I was trying my best to ignore GOD who seemed to be laughing at me for some unknown reasons…....

tHeRe iS nO pOiNt!!!

The sleep in my eyes has gone somewhere far away…and now when I find the muzzzzic so melodious…
they say there is no point…............

The smile on my face was never so real…and now when my pain has taken care of itself… they say there is no point…….........

I walk and sing in the rain instead of just getting wet…and now when every little drop sings with me… they say there is no point….............

After a long time I found myself…and now when I am loving every moment of my life…. they say there is no point…............

aLwAyZz bE wItH mE!!!

The following piece of writing is dedicated to the person whom i love the most in this world...

"Fighting for life and taking slow breaths... He held my hands as I came near his bed…

His eyes were closed and tears were out... Feeling his body tremble, I was wondering what it was all about…

Doctor’s final verdict had put us in deep grief... But I was confident in my heart and I had the belief…

Looking at him I was praying for a miracle... God must have heard as just then it happened…

He opened his eyes and looked straight into mine... Thousands things he conveyed without speaking even a line…

He moved his hand gently on my face... Though in deep pain, he hid all the grimace…

I held his hand and gave one more try... But I had no control and I let myself cry…

That moment was difficult but later I was glad... Coz the person coming back into Life... was my Dad…

He wiped my tears and I wiped his... That day i realised ...what Life is..........."

tHoSe wErE sM gUd tImEs!!!

Staying in chandigarh was one of the best experiences I ever had in my life. Many wonderful memories come across my mind when I think of the time spent there…. Thought of that particular night still makes me laugh when some of us were staying in the rooms on terrace those days. Just a week before, two gorgeous beauties had shifted to our neighborhood. Their faces so unique and their smiles so attractive and MAN!! They were HOT!! The way they walked could have made anyone standstill. The cricketer Nitin, the peaceful happy, the chiller sumit, the funny puneet and few others including me, were there on that night. Nitin and I were talking to each other in one room. Sumit as usual making never ending notes by copying each and everything written in the book. Happy, just roaming around at the slowest pace as he always did, no matter what mood he would be in. Suddenly Puneet came shouting from nowhere with four other mates. We all came out in excitement. He had just seen light being switched on in the neighbors bathroom on the ground floor. Most of us got excited and eventually all of us went and stood near the wall and started staring down. We could barely see few rapid and interseting movements in the bathroom through the glass window. But that was more than enough to keep us there, unmoved and without any noise. I am sure no one even blinked. Suddenly Puneet broke the silence. “Hey I can’t see anything”. “Get your f*****g glasses idiot”. One of us responded in anger. He ran back into his room as fast as he could. I had never seen him running like that before. To his bad luck the tube light of his room was not working. He shouted few abuses from inside and said,” saleya sumit, I told you to get one bulb from outside”. Sumit retorted back with few deadly ones (unmentionable). Finally thanks to his mobile’s light he found out his glasses and came sprinting back in a flash where all of us were hooked like statues. “Hey it’s not clear yaar”, Puneet interrupted again. “Then go and jump into that bathroom you ass**** , just SHUT UP!! ”. One of us shouted back. Puneet kept silent thereafter. Five minutes had passed and the barely seen movements were exciting enough for us to feel the indescribable intense pleasure. It was one other mate’s turn then. He had uncontrolled pressure inside and wanted to piss badly. The option of leaving that place was not even considerable. So he chose the flowerpot kept in the corner there with flowers booming in it. Everyone turned their heads, gave him a dirty look for what he was doing and then turned back in a flash. I wonder whether those booming flowers ever boomed again. Although I was little scared and too busy seeing the barely seen movements, I guess some of us had probably reached THE ULTIMATE EXCITEMENT LEVEL…. It was then when the tragic thing happened. We saw the movements from the glass and it was clear that the bathroom door was going to be opened. To our weirdest of the surprises, an old man with no hairs came out of that bathroom with toothbrush in his mouth. I thought of those rapid movements and i heard myself saying," What the F**K " !!! All of us were stunned and embarrassed at the same time. Luckily the old man didn’t lookup. All of us turned 180 degree in a slow motion simultaneously and ran back towards our rooms and after a pause we all laughed at each other like idiots. Seeing Puneet, who was still looking at his glasses and not able to digest the scene, everyone burst out in laughter again. I remember we never slept that night and in between Puneet still went towards the wall and stood in disbelief. The whole night we kept talking and laughing. That laughter still echoes in my ears today. AHHH MAN!!! That was some good time…

nOw tatS cAlLeD jEaLoUsY!!!

Looking out of the window of Punjab Roadways bus moving just a little slower than Boeing 747, I could hardly keep my eyes open. A bike caught my attention as it was trying to cross the bus. A nice sweet young couple (happily unmarried) , both into each other in their dreams, made me feel a little more than jealous. At the same time I was happy seeing them enjoying their good times. Finally thanks to the power of his Pulsar 180 CC , the guy managed to cross the bus. I could understand the feeling of frustration the bus driver had as he could not press the race pad further since it was already on the verge of getting dismantled. The bike just disappeared but not before I saw the girl kissing the guy on the neck ( that’s love making for you ). I had missed seeing everything outside but not this. I threw my head back on the seat and tried ignoring the feeling of jealousy playing with my mind. Obviously all in vain. I was about to come out of it all, just then the bus stopped at the signal. I could not imagine my eyes seeing that outside the window. The same bike was down on the ground and under it was the guy trying to lift himself up.The guy was struggling and the girl was simply looking at him innocently. Though she was not speaking at all still I could hear her saying something like, “Hey I just kissed you. It’s not my fault at all jaan”. I broke into a boisterous laughter. I just could not control it. All the passengers who were once looking outside started staring at me. It was tough but the fear of getting beaten up by few fat aunties sitting in front of me helped in controlling my laughter. Luckily the signal turned green, bus started and I managed to get out of attention. The couple was still there, guy looking worried for any scratches on his Pulsar 180 CC and the girl searching for her stuff on the road (soul mates). The rest of the journey was spent only in arguing with GOD that it was not me!!!!!

cUrReNt sItUaTiOn iN AuStRaLiA!!!

After the attacks on some indian students in Australia, everybody has started raising concerns over safety of indian students there. Having understood this obvious reaction, I personally feel that even though there are some issues related with the safety of indians in the current situation there but instead of looking at our own fault we are trying to overhype the whole issue. There is no doubt that on the cricket field we have seen some unsporty behaviour from some australian cricketers, But it does not mean that all the Australians are racists. For God sake look at people like Steve Waugh, Adam Gilchrist and even the likes of Brett lee. They have shown utmost respect for all the players they have played against.

The current problem there has been caused by few anti social elements and without any doubt the culprits should be punished and the situation should be improved. I have my deepest condolences with the families who have suffered but instead of blaming the australian societies for their behaviour towards us, is there any one who has made an effort to look into depth as to how some indian students are living there. We call ourselves easy victims now, but what happens to us when some of us who are staying there get up and go out in the moonlight and take a piss where ever they want to? What about the loudest of the music they play in the nights when the whole australia is sleeping? What about the situation when 10 of them stay in a 2 BHK flat and create problems after getting drunk? What about the abusive comments our own countrymen there make in our native language to the australians? What about their constant staring at the australian chicks? What about the frequent breaking of the various other rules there by some of us?

Forget Australia, Just think of our own behaviour against the foreigners who come here. Search and look at the stats. How many crimes against foreigners such as rape, Physical abuse etc. have been reported in last 2 years or so? How many of the culprits have been punished? What are the actions our government has taken to improve the situation in our own country? If you look into depth you will find that most of the cases are still pending. Look at the case of Hanna foster. Does any one even remember from how long the case has been running?

The whole point i wanna make here is that there is no doubt that the safety and security levels in Australia should be improved in order to have a peaceful and tension free society. But at the same time we indians need to understand their culture, their way of living and not only that; we need to respect it the way it is. There is a need for us to look within ourselves and find out our own faults. Only then we have the right to point out fingers at others...

lUv iS a bEaUtIfUl tHiNg!!!

" I met her on the net and we started a usual chat... A story was about to begin, but we were unaware of that fact…

We clicked really well and exchanged the numbers soon... The long talks started, without caring if it was sun or it was moon…

Few months had passed and my life had certainly changed... Even in the brightest day with full sun, I felt it had rained…

A day had come, when all the barriers had to be broken... Everything we conveyed, Though the words were not spoken…

The talks kept on and nothing else in the world was prime... Along with both of us some mobile companies had nice time…

Though very few, But together we spent, were all unforgettable days... An amazing feeling we had and everyday was special in its own ways…

Days to months and months to years, the clock kept the pace... But everything stood still, when we had that day to face…

Our love could no longer hold us together and shattered were all those plans... Still with moist eyes and heavy heart, we happily loosened the grip of our hands….

Yes I was hurt and yes she was hurt, still it was happening and nothing we could have denied... Some friends were also hurt who could not understand us, no matter how hard we tried…

Now she is fine with her new life and I have also got used to mine... Yes I do laugh and cry occasionally, when I think of the old times….

God only knows whether it was true love or whether it was a fling... All I have learnt from it , is that Love.. is a beautiful thing…...

Even today out of habit, I dial her number on the phone... Few seconds later only, I realize that I should come out of this zone…

Truly speaking things have changed and now we are in a different tone... And I believe it’s Destiny.. and this beautiful Life.. should move on…..

We still hear from each other and share things, though the old days are gone... We still share jokes, pull each other’s legs and laugh over the phone… And we still help each other, motivate each other and most importantly care for each other, no matter how different things have gone… Coz we believe it’s Destiny… and this beautiful Life.. should move on….. "

mAn oF tHe mAtCh!!!

Cricket is one of those rarest of rare things which has never bored me (as if I am the only one in India of this category…hahahaa). I remember those days when it was just cricket that was running through my veins. It was the summer holidays time. As usual I was playing cricket in the verandah alone. Hit the ball towards the wall and play it when it bounced back. This was my way of playing cricket tournaments. That day, my mom was sitting in the room nearby, cutting vegetables and warning me to stop. I was ignoring her warnings as always. There were window panes just alongside the wall. It was safe as I had never broken anything in that section of the house (record speaks itself…). . Australia batted first and scored a total of 20 runs (What the FucK!!...OH! its room cricket na...). It was Sachin who opened the innings for India and McGrath was the bowler. The first ball bounced a little high and I left it. Oh nice leave (I was doing commentary also…dumb!). Next delivery was a good length. Tendulkar tried to leave and there you go….McGrath strikes!!!! Wrong judgement by Tendulkar. Off stump gone. The crowd went silent in disappointment. Next batsman, Ganguly. OH! Beware of the short ball MAN!! (I told my self) McGrath running hard, first delivery, Yorker, Ganguly caught in surprise and middle stump went flying towards the keeper. What a sight for the bowler! Practice Ganguly Practice. Move your feet. HUH!! India zero for the loss of two wickets. Soon the scorecard was 9 runs for 6 wickets and all the wickets were taken by McGrath (I had not changed the bowler…hahaha). Then comes, Robin Singh, as always, to rescue India. India needs 12 more runs to win the match. First ball bouncer by McGrath. Robin singh could not resist the temptation and hooked it. WHIP!! Straight into the basket of vegetables and there you see the onions flying in the air. Mom’s face turned red and those DIVINE WORDS came out instead of just scoldings. I was pretending as if I didn’t hear anything (I was wearing helmet no…hahahaa). By the way it was a six in case you missed it. Now only six more runs required to win. Mcgrath running towards the batsman, furious as always, tried Yorker, but oh it’s a full toss, Robin Singh can’t miss it even with his eyes closed. SMACK!! There goes the ball, high in the air, directly breaking through the window panes and the crowd cheering India’s dramatic win. Wow!!!…. Hey Wait! What is that sound? My GOD!! Mom in full mood, ready with the belan and all those divine words @#$%^&*(@#%^ I was like, Mom it was Robin Singh and not me.. @#$%^&*()$%& Mom continued…. I felt sad….very sad… Hey not for the window panes or mom’s divine love for me but for Mcgrath. So sad. He is a better bowler. May be it was not his day. I thought and left the ground and waited for the MAN OF THE MATCH award ceremony in the night, with Dad as chief guest…..

tHe sLaP!!!

Doing analysis of field failures is a part of my job. Sometimes I feel a little bored due to my work’s monotonous nature. Sometimes I feel happy that I don’t have to do so much of work which might have driven me insane. Doing analysis one day I was pondering over a particular graph. I put my pen in my mouth ( ya the ball pen!!) and started making gestures as if I am smoking. It was a lavish feeling and I felt like I was a chain smoker or something. Enjoying that feeling I laid back on the chair. As my imaginary smoking continued, an old incident came to my mind. The incident when I had failed to do a particular analysis successfully….. I was in sixth standard that time. It was the day before my mid term maths exam. I was struggling to get through the complications of mathematics problems, which had haunted me for all the years before. Not being able to get through a problem, I was frustrated. In frustration I put my pencil in my mouth and unintentionally gestured like a smoker. To my ill luck one of my uncles saw me doing that. On other lucky days even worse things were gone unnoticed. But that particular gesture was noticed as it is. He came to me and said, “to tu abhi cigarette piyega?" He told me to stand up and took me to my dad who was frustrated that day and was watching news. I was still wondering what I had done as my cigarette, I mean my pencil fell from my hands. My uncle told dad about what he felt. Then came, that unexpected and tragic moment. My dad looked at me in anger, slapped me and turned his face towards news again. It all happened in few seconds. The slap had hit me at a speed, just a little slower than the speed of light. Such an impact of that slap was that for some time I forgot who was I, where was I and what was I doing. I could not hear anything for few seconds. It was a feeling of peace and calmness all around. Absolute pin drop silence. The only sound coming into my ears was some thing like.. kooooooooooonnnn….. Finally when I came back to the real world, I realized my uncle had already left the room. Dad was watching news. I came out of the room silently, my head down and my hands on my damaged face. I looked at my pencil and tried to convince myself that it was just a pencil and not a damn cigarette. I went to my room and could not control the emotional burst of tears. I cried like a baby and spoke alone in the room, “somebody please tell dad that it was just a pencil and I didn’t do that intentionally. It was just that maths problem and………” Not able to speak, I continued crying. I remember I didn’t eat anything that night and kept crying. That day, I failed to analyse as to why that happened with me. Today while doing the failure analysis, the sound of that slap echoed in my ears as I was making those dangerous and risky gestures once again after so many years. I put the pen down on the table in fear and carried on with my failure analysis. Dad! You slapped a little too hard I guess. You didn’t want to do that I know. Love You Lots……..

eNdLeSs dEsIrEs!!!

Never say you did not get what you deserved..It is just that the ALMIGHTY wants to enhance the level of your thirst and taste..It depends on you how you cook your stuff!!!!

bAsIc iNsTiNcTs!!!

Most of the times we think "how great it will be if i get this" Rarely we realize "How great it is without this also"
It tells how "our greed for something more" often wins over "our satisfaction for something we have"....

dElUsIoNs!!!

After contemplating till this much of life, my inner conscience informs me that most of us are acting fake most of the times in our lives.
Perhaps the only time we are what we really are, is when we are alone....away from all the reasons of our false behaviour...

iNtRoSpEcTiOn!!!

I have reduced criticizing others... I guess i have started enjoying the tougher things...

lUsT!!!

After a time you may realize that having a thing is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting...

tHe fAkE wOrLd!!!

everybody hosts a jealous person inside...it is just that some smart fuckers use perfumes and deos to smell better....