tHe sLaP!!!

Doing analysis of field failures is a part of my job. Sometimes I feel a little bored due to my work’s monotonous nature. Sometimes I feel happy that I don’t have to do so much of work which might have driven me insane. Doing analysis one day I was pondering over a particular graph. I put my pen in my mouth ( ya the ball pen!!) and started making gestures as if I am smoking. It was a lavish feeling and I felt like I was a chain smoker or something. Enjoying that feeling I laid back on the chair. As my imaginary smoking continued, an old incident came to my mind. The incident when I had failed to do a particular analysis successfully….. I was in sixth standard that time. It was the day before my mid term maths exam. I was struggling to get through the complications of mathematics problems, which had haunted me for all the years before. Not being able to get through a problem, I was frustrated. In frustration I put my pencil in my mouth and unintentionally gestured like a smoker. To my ill luck one of my uncles saw me doing that. On other lucky days even worse things were gone unnoticed. But that particular gesture was noticed as it is. He came to me and said, “to tu abhi cigarette piyega?" He told me to stand up and took me to my dad who was frustrated that day and was watching news. I was still wondering what I had done as my cigarette, I mean my pencil fell from my hands. My uncle told dad about what he felt. Then came, that unexpected and tragic moment. My dad looked at me in anger, slapped me and turned his face towards news again. It all happened in few seconds. The slap had hit me at a speed, just a little slower than the speed of light. Such an impact of that slap was that for some time I forgot who was I, where was I and what was I doing. I could not hear anything for few seconds. It was a feeling of peace and calmness all around. Absolute pin drop silence. The only sound coming into my ears was some thing like.. kooooooooooonnnn….. Finally when I came back to the real world, I realized my uncle had already left the room. Dad was watching news. I came out of the room silently, my head down and my hands on my damaged face. I looked at my pencil and tried to convince myself that it was just a pencil and not a damn cigarette. I went to my room and could not control the emotional burst of tears. I cried like a baby and spoke alone in the room, “somebody please tell dad that it was just a pencil and I didn’t do that intentionally. It was just that maths problem and………” Not able to speak, I continued crying. I remember I didn’t eat anything that night and kept crying. That day, I failed to analyse as to why that happened with me. Today while doing the failure analysis, the sound of that slap echoed in my ears as I was making those dangerous and risky gestures once again after so many years. I put the pen down on the table in fear and carried on with my failure analysis. Dad! You slapped a little too hard I guess. You didn’t want to do that I know. Love You Lots……..