iS iT aLl taT bAd ???

People get wiser with age. Tats what I heard while I grew up and I believed this statement. In fact I was absolutely convinced about it. Though I am sure you would be more convinced if somebody tells you that NDTV Imagine and Rakhi sawant are planning for a sequel of “rakhi sawant ka swayamvar” (apologies to her first husband, Elaish par-jaane-wala or mar-jaane-wala or whatever ).

But lately I realized that getting wise with age is not the case with me and actually it’s just the opposite. I mean I sat one day and looked back the way I have been, I realized that I was more sincere and diligent, I used to study harder, I had lesser bad habits, I was more homely, I even abused lesser, I used to hurt lesser people, though never did it intentionally, I noticed lesser girls and that too only when they wore this flamboyant transparent dresses which actually caused my little eyes to become bigger n wider, I watched lesser porn ( I had my sources;-) ), I never boozed which I do occasionally now, never smoked (Don’t worry my well wishers n my frns, I js did it for ‘Tashan’, I wont become habitual, I swear!!), I was more sure of myself and there were hell lot of other things in which I think I was ‘better’.

Now if u are a normal person reading this and you have your brains intact then there’s a high probability that you would agree with me that most of us develop better habits with age and people do get wiser as they grow old. But I don’t clearly understand what’s wrong with me. My situation reminds me of the movie called The Curious Case of Benjamin Button starring Brad Pitt which was based on reverse ageing. Though my situation is little different from Brad Pitt (in fact it's veryyy different....sun rahi ho angelina!! sirf tumhari wajah se...) , who was born as an old man and died as a child in the movie, but it seems more serious to me because, SHIT MAN!! I don’t wanna die being called as an Unwise-Filthy-Reckless-Wasteful piece of shit.

The most disturbing out of all the wrong stuff that really drives me crazy is the “CONFUSION” aspect of my life that has got attached to me like a key is to lock . In fact of all the past relationships I had, the one which has survived successfully against all the odds, is the relationship between me and my confusion. We two are Hell of a companions. We never have to try and make our relationship work. It just works for us. Sounds funny, right??? It actually would not have if u were in my place n I was in urs, and I wud have been laughing at u, making those I-AM-BETTER-THAN-YOU-CONFUSED-LOSER gestures at you n destroying all the deep hidden traces of ego and self respect in ur dumb head (now u laugh!!!).

I was saying it’s not funny at all. I’ll try to explain.

Have u ever been in a situation when you have your final exam of some course the next day ( not when u were in ur 6^th, 8^th or even 12^th grade but when u r pursuing a fucking MS degree) and u have studied nothing and the previous night you feel kinda confused whether u should open the book or js go to sleep….??????

Or like someday you are having a booze party and you and your friends are all excited about drinking the romanov’s , the royal stags, the jack daniels etc. and after taking 5-6 shots u feel kinda confused about whether u shud call ur best friend or one f ur old gal friend….??????

Or if that does not go into ur dumb head , have you ever been in a situation when after watching a nice romantic movie with hot n steamy scenes in between and a sad ending, and there u go, the uncertainty entrapping you again n you feel kinda confused about whether you should go n jack off, thinking of the various mysterious curves of the woman in the movie or u should just appreciate the sad ending….?????

I mean this mental state of mine really pisses me off some times but at times I kinda like it though when I see people around me who are so sure of themselves in whatever they are doing but still not satisfied with anything in their lives. It is then when I actually luv to feel that there’s nothing wrong in being little wrong sometimes. Anyways who cares. I mean I can’t afford to care otherwise ill have another thing to keep me confused. So before I confuse u guys more, lemme put a ‘sure’ shot full stop to this weird post so that I can have my dinner and later watch a Tom hanks movie…………or may be I wud watch some Jim carrey’s?? Hmmm....I’ll go figure out…………………